


Waiting

by OneThousandAngels



Category: Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Anger, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Brothers, Bullying, Confusion, Desire, Falling In Love, Fights, Friendship/Love, Heartbreak, Kissing, Love, M/M, Pain, Soulmates, Waiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-21
Updated: 2013-10-21
Packaged: 2017-12-30 01:23:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1012342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneThousandAngels/pseuds/OneThousandAngels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki ruminates on his love for his brother. Sometimes love is ugly, but he can no more stop it than he can will his own heart to stop. He's bound to Thor in a way that is inescapable and necessary, even though he hates him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waiting

There was nothing more real than missing him while he was away. That’s how he knew he could never get away from him. No matter how many times Thor had hurt him or had turned a blind eye to his pain, knowingly or not, he could not forgive him but he could not forget him. Love is beautiful, but love is also ugly. Sometimes, love alone can’t give us what we need. 

The other day, he could remember it still so clearly, he’d sworn just then that never again would he let Thor hurt him. They were best friends, they were supposed to be brothers, confidantes, to have each other when there was no one else, but where was Loki supposed to go when Thor was the problem? Loki knew better than anyone that words could hurt much more than blows on the battleground. He had learned to use them against others the way they had hurt him first. And while he watched Thor ignoring his pain, allowing others to demean him without a word of defense, he wanted to kill him. What was he thinking? How could he ignore it and just let it happen when he’d sworn to protect him? 

He finally had the strength to discard his brother forever this time, this time was too far. He would never embrace him again or feel delight from his smile. He’d cry no more tears that belonged to him and his careless cruelty. He was just another looming stranger in the crowd now, watching after Loki with judgement in their eyes, with lack of understanding. Loki thought his ways of thinking were not so bizarre, was it really inept to expect some common courtesy, concern, dare he say, affection? Of course he was angry. They were the fools for not understanding why. He would not have to make them understand him now though. He would destroy them. He would conquer and he would be strong without their help because they would never beat him, although they would try, oh would they try. 

Curse, Thor. He hated him. He hated him most of all. 

Until he’d apologized. Until he’d come to his room that night. He kissed him on the lips and he wrapped his fingers around his heart and he squeezed tight with kind loving words and regret and promises to do better. He’d known he’d upset him, he knew not why, but he needed Loki and Loki needed him, they both knew that they were nothing without the other. They both knew there was no where else to go but to each other in the end, and so he said he was sorry as well for being the way he was. For being different and angry all the time, for feeling so much all the time. Thor sat with him and they stayed close and Thor brought Loki a peace offering, a silly flower that Loki loved, but he knew it was his favorite and to know that Thor was thinking of him when he sometimes felt as if he never thought of him. It brought the conjurer to his knees. 

Now Thor has gone to battle and though he’d since then had more transgressions against Loki’s heart, as he’d known he would, it didn’t matter because he needed him here. It was so empty in the halls without his obnoxious laughter, too dark without his eyes that stared right into him like too hot rays of sun. 

He waited. And he waited. Sitting in the grand hall with windows large enough and the perfect view and he would certainly see him first as soon as he returned. 

He would always wait for Thor. Thor would always hurt him. And he would always be sorry. Loki wondered if he would always forgive.

Even if he didn’t, he knew he would always be waiting.

**Author's Note:**

> I literally pooped this out in like five minutes. I realized while writing this that I'm in Loki's situation right now and the words came so easily and so real to me because they were already there. I hope this gives you feels, sorry there's no porn, haha, I'll try next time. I just had too many feelings and they had to go.


End file.
